I have written this blog post in my head about a million times. I was always just too nervous to put it on paper. I have quite a few twin moms now in my circle of friends and as clients. After sharing stories back and forth, I thought, why not. If I can share my story maybe it will help another mom. And that is why I do what I do. Because I wish someone would have done it for me....
With all that said, my journey is pretty typical, but what I have realized is that it is as much mental as it is physical. And that mental part is the hardest hurdle to overcome...
Looking back to October 2013, the girls were born healthy at 38 weeks....yes, full term. To say I was ready was an understatement. I gained 49lbs and had a c-section to deliver them as baby B (Savannah, was breach, and under my ribs. Katherine, baby A, was apparently smooshed into a little ball.) This picture was the first time we all went outside after they were born. And maybe with one baby that doesn't seem like a huge deal, but for a new mom with two, this was completely overwhelming. How do you work this ridiculous stroller, how many seat belts are there? Oh yeah, and my "comfy" leggings barely fit, my coat doesn't button and I haven't washed my hair in about a week...but I knew getting outside was a first step. So we took the 45 minutes to get out the door and walked for 10. Tis the life with twins.
While the girls were completely healthy, I had complications when they were born. I ended up having two blood transfusions, stayed in the hospital for 6+ days and could barely stand up most days. I had iron deficiencies and most days had ZERO energy. So walking 10 minutes was a big deal. We will talk about situps later! Lol.
I tear up when I look at this picture because I can see myself smiling through the doubt. The doubt that I would be able to do anything and oh yeah, there are two!
We were on the typical newborn feeding schedule which was about every 3 hours. I didn't make enough milk for both of them so we did a mix of formula and breastfeeding. At one point we were going through 36 bottles a day. Yep, you read that right. I could write an entire novel about that the first 3 months with twins, but I'll stick to my journey with my body.
Fast forward about 12 months and we were finally starting to venture out of the house and getting a little braver with our outings. The problem? I was still wearing my maternity pants and a size larger than I usually did. I am remember being SO frustrated. How in the world are you supposed to work, go to the gym, keep up with the house and have 2! My old ways of working out which was mostly running long distances was NOT cutting it. I still hadn't attempted a situp yet (my c-section scare was still pretty large), my core was weak and my occasional date with the treadmill every few weeks was not consistent.
So how did I get started? I am a BIG follower of fashion blogs. So late at night when I was feeding the girls, I would read fashion blogs and wish that I was that gal. The one with the skinny jeans holding their kids in the perfect picture, rocking those amazing skinny boots. One of the bloggers I followed was a fitness coach and was running a group for the 21 Day Fix. I had never done ANYTHING online before and didn't know her at all. I used my birthday money from February 2015 and signed up. All in. (You know those late night decisions when you think it is the best decision ever!) Well, it totally was.
It took me about 4 months to achieve this. I lost about 30 lbs. I learned that 30 minutes could be done even if I broke it up into 15-minute intervals. I originally started doing it night after the girls were in bed and slowly worked my way into a morning routine. I learned that it is not about calorie counting, but eating the right foods. AND, planning ahead. Remember how I said I couldn't do a situp? The first few weeks, I literally sat on the floor and stared at the TV. Then I started slowly following the modifier and eventually worked my way up to being able to do the entire thing. I found instead of situps it was easier for me to do planks. So I did those instead and when I built up the strength went back to situps. My point is, I struggled and it wasn't easy. But I had a toolkit now to pull from. And, most importantly the group surrounded me with other moms who were going through the same thing. I had a community of support.
The first day I remember my coach asking me to post a selfie....um you want me to what? Truth, I followed along and didn't participate for a while. But then I thought, if I am going to do this, I am going to do what she says, because she is getting results and I am not. So I did it. I checked in everyday. I posted a selfie. I showed I was following the plan. And it felt good. There was something about checking in and being able to fit it in on my own time that was sort of life changing....
I have never been a "small" person. I used to always call myself "big boned", you know because that is the excuse in my mind. But now I was down and entire size. So the physical transformation was pretty dramatic. Today I would say I am about 10-15 lbs now from my happy weight and the reason why I am not there yet is because of the mental game.
If you read my page and my blog, you have seen my progress and my routine. But sometimes the last part of the race is the hardest. I work REALLY hard to be healthy and stay balanced. I write down goals, plan, carve out time for workouts, try to be active with the family, hope to fit in date nights...you get the idea. But as I have pushed the last few months to "see some abs" as I have called it, my progress has slowed. And the ephinany I had is that I don't believe in myself 110%. And I need to.
I can stand in the mirror and flex and see a pretty decent stomach for a mom of twins. But then when I sit down, I see rolls, and stretch marks and imperfections. I start the comparison game and wonder what it would be like to be "smaller" or look fitter. As my core has gotten stronger, my body has changed significantly which I didn't expect. My abs are strong, my back and arms have muscles I never imagined, but that "mom pouch" is still there. And because my skin stretched so much, I am not sure it will ever go away. That has been new for me. Because I am making progress, but it is not what I expected.
My point is to not share disappointment, but that it takes hard work and the journey is everyday. Not 21 days, not 6 months. As I work to build up my confidence (and I know I will), I know that I have the community, toolkit and overall support to be healthy. Almost 2 years ago, I didn't have any of that. So my mantra for 2017 is FOCUS. But it is a focus on mentally feeling confident and fully believing in myself. To know that I am healthy and that is is what matters. Period. Nothing else.
My goal of sharing this is that it helps some of you busy mom's out there realize that there is support, you are capbable and you can make a change. Whatever your goals! Everyone has there own journey, and this is mine.
